Studying, Exams and Aesthetic Propaganda

 I had my exams during my internet detox. I did really poorly and got grades that make me want to just give up and never attempt to do anything anymore. I was OK in Biology, but Chemistry and Physics are the two subjects that should never have been discovered. Humanity must’ve done something really bad to get those two handed to us.

Anyway, I wasn’t serious about my studies at all. I got almost all A*s in my O levels and the overconfidence that built in me crumpled me when it was time for me to give my As Level exams. My dad always used to say that I had the potential to do well in school but it was overconfidence in my abilities that ran me over when it was time for tests/exams.

Speaking of which, I have to admit to a very bad habit that I have had since the start of my education career. Ever since I started school at age 4 or 5, I always half-assed everything. It worked when I was younger, then it didn’t, kind of like the quadratic curve. When I was in grade 9, it started working again. I changed schools so maybe that was a factor too. More on that in a bit.

I half-assed EVERYTHING. I bullshitted through my homework and completed it just before class. I was BAD at self-control. I always prioritized other things (YouTube, social media, family events) over studying but somehow I was damn good at half-assery. It worked in grade 9 (I got amazing results in my finals) and grade 10 (amazing results in 1^st year of O levels), and grade 11 (I won 21 medals, 8 trophies, 15 or so certificates, and (almost) all A*s in my final O level exams). For me, half-assery worked, and it worked WELL enough that I thought it would work in my A Levels too.

NEWSFLASH: It didn’t. Turns out that if O levels is getting hit by a car, A levels is equivalent to getting hit by a monster truck on top of a mountain and falling off the planet J

I didn’t study as I should’ve. I gave barely 2 hours of studies apart from my classes (2 hours each day) and that was not enough. I had a year to prepare and now, thinking back, I COULD’VE DONE SO MUCH BETTER IN THAT TIME. I mean if I had a year for my A2 now I would get a distinction with the way I’m studying now. I’m sleeping less because my brain tells me that every minute I waste is an opportunity wasted in my future.

Now, I wake up at 6 am or so, and eat fruit before sitting my ass down and GRINDING for three hours. Then breakfast and 3 hours of studying again. I actually have 3 hours free for gym/prayers/food and then I sit down to study from 3pm to 6pm again. Followed by a 2-hour break and resuming from 8pm to 12am. I know, it sounds like torture, but it’s actually not that bad. I study at my own pace, frequently standing up to walk around or just closing my eyes and listening to music for a few minutes.

I have three months until my A2 and even though I’m giving all this time to studying IT STILL DOESN’T SEEM LIKE ENOUGH. I regret wasting that 1 year so much, I wish I’d studied more. Please don’t make the same mistakes I did because you will regret it. Get your priorities straight.

Another thing is (I just remembered) I studied in an extremely strict/posh school from Grade 1 to Grade 8. I’ll have to say that it wasn’t the best environment-wise (some girls were very toxic) but they really pushed you to do well in academics. I always scored poorly when I was there. I mean, the questions on tests were HARD and no matter how much I tried, I never got it. When I changed schools I started doing really well without putting any real effort.

See, what my old school did was put the past O Levels exam questions in the tests in the monthly tests without really explaining how to attempt them. I know now that it’s OK that I did badly because we weren’t meant to get them anyway. At the time I felt like the dumbest person ever, only made worse that my friends were getting better marks than I was and whatever they did to study didn’t work for me at all. Anyway, I changed schools and figured out why I was so bad in my old school (because they gave us questions that weren’t meant for 12-year-olds like wtf calm down) and eventually restored faith in myself.

  Lastly, aesthetics. I feel like tiktok/Pinterest/YouTube has made ‘aesthetic studying’ a goal for their viewers. I tried it and GUESS WHAT??? It didn’t work. I mean, it kind of did, because I was motivated to study more, but me being the perfectionist I am couldn’t focus on my work but rather focused on making it pretty.

I know, stupid, right?

It was. Ugh, I hate thinking about how I would rip a whole perfectly usable page because my notes didn’t look Pinterest-worthy. And that wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was that all that effort went into nothing because I didn’t read my handwritten notes back then. They just sat there, looking pretty, collecting dust. I realized it too late that yeah, those videos are pretty, but trying to make everything look pretty and aesthetic is incredibly impractical.

I came across a few tiktok compilations on YouTube (I don’t use social media besides YouTube and Pinterest) showing tons of cute stationary and material that would cost me a lot of money if I were to buy it. I don’t understand the POINT of having so many same types of stationery items. I mean, I’m a hypocrite for writing this because cute stationary trap me like a deer in headlights.

But there’s no point in buying 7 different highlighters. Just buy 2. Why would you buy a vacuum cleaner for your desk just USE A BRUSH OR EVEN BETTER – YOUR HANDS?!?!?!!? I feel very strongly about this. Most of the time, you have to complete a topic in a rush because you have a test the next day and if those pretty notes don’t make sense they’re useless. Please just try to figure out what’s working best for you and use that and don’t fall victim to the ‘aesthetic studying’ propaganda.

(Note: As someone who’s used an iPad for studying before and now uses paper, there’s literally little to no difference. Yes, it’s easier and you can add pictures and move around text but paper works too unless you have a huge wallet that’s begging to be emptied. In that case, get an iPad and buy one for me too thx.)

Whew, this has been a LONG post, which is ok because I’ll be posting once a week and a lot of content is better than no content at all J

Have fun, stay alive and I’ll see you next Sunday!